Rabbit Lunar Year

Wishing you

a fulfilling,

joyful,

healthy and contented

New Lunar Year of the Rabbit.

Thank you for crossing paths with me in the cyber world. I cannot think of anything else but carrots, carrots and carrots for the Rabbit Lunar Year.

~ doubtom ~

.... are we lonely ?

We are all, each and everyone of us, completely and irrevocably alone!
No matters how many friends a person may have ( could also be siblings, relatives or even spouses) , nor how close those friends may be, it does not change then fact that we are each an entity in ourselves. You would have experienced the dismay feeling of being more alone in a crowded room than you were actually physically alone.

A thousand and one persons would have greeted you last year with the question, "How are you? " Have you ever answered that question literally ? Really told those people how you really were ? Told them your personal aches and pains, about your troubles etc etc etc. If you have, you would have noticed a subtle glazing of your acquaintance's eyes after a few moments. Then they get fidgety, and probably leave you talking to yourself !

Your troubles and problems are yours, and nobody really cares. The reason being that others have problems and troubles of their own, and perhaps more important or bigger ones.

So, we are really alone. But, there is a way to relieve that loneliness .......

Yours Sincerely ( Y S ) finds that answer lies in overcoming the overpowering dictates of the great "PRIVATE I ." Most of us are imprisoned in that seemingly escape-proof cell of ego, that dark, despairing dungeon of self, and to believe that the entire world revolves around " me ."

Force yourself to be interested in others. Try to think of others as another "I" instead of "he" or "she" or "they."

Instead of thinking of what to say next when someone talks to you, listen to him. If you cannot help, then feign that attention for a start and soon it will be cultivated. Y S always feels a personal loss if he does not listen and learn from others. Y S has a friend who can rattle on and on from topic to topic, issue to issue, theme to theme etc etc etc all the way from Alor Setar to Penang, and ......... back. In his presence, Y S never feels lonely.

If you have trouble listening to people then you cannot be interested in them. You cannot relieve that relentless loneliness until you can be interested in others.

Having retired from 35 years teaching service where Y S used to talk and talk down to docile students, cultivating interest in others and listening to them is a pleasurable change.

What do you think?

... of criticism from the pulpit

Yours Sincerely ( Y S ) wonders whether priests or pastors have the God given legitimate right or licence to criticise blankly from the pulpit. There have been instances in my church when the parish priest ruthlessly, point-blankly, and strongly lashed out at certain individual, individuals, groups and teams in the church. To Y S, lashing out from the pulpit is like hitting below the belt because you cannot expect the congregation to answer back or at the very least clarify the issue.

There is this " throwing out of hat" criticism whereby you wear it if it fits you. Then, there are times when the hat thrown out is so tailored that it is " FS " or Free Size and seems to fit everyone, or it is tailored XXL, so large that it fits almost everybody's head, and you keep wondering whether the criticism is directed at you.

Of course, there are culprits for whom the hat is meant for, but they are not seated at the pews in church to receive the hat. So, the poor faithfuls who have been attending church regularly get the hats thrown right into their faces Sunday after Sunday ! It is like preaching and preaching to the converted !!!

There is also this "to whom it may concern" criticism, so loudly proclaimed that it injures your ear drum even though you know fully well that you have nothing to do with it. Again, the receivers are not in church to be corrected.

An injurious occasion Y S could remember was when the church choir was mercilessly criticized from the pulpit. Following that you could hear the choir members sang with lumps in their throats, and the choir master who had tried his butts to form the choir was red in his face. He resigned after that. Being criticised from the pulpit can be pungent and hurting. The choir master had even stopped coming to church. He attends another church a distance away. Perhaps he could not take the shaming. Well, Y S does not blame him. It is hard to take criticism which border shaming in public, especially in a Christian public in church !!! This was done a lot in China during the Cultural Revolution.

Y S himself was once publicly criticised in a priestly meeting. An ecclesiastical meeting which Y S thought would have been motivational, upbuilding, merciful, gentle, kind and all the positive heavenly adjectives you can think of. There was this robed person with many years of priestly vocation and who was not attentive to Y S' presentation as he was playing "Soduku" , opened his caustic mouth, introduced his opening paragraph with, " I HAVE TO EDUCATE YOU that ....... " right to Y S' face. Y S has forgiven him but somehow the words still ring in my subconscious. Y S does not have Alzheimer so it is hard to forget such critically cutting criticising remarks.

Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man's growth without destroying his roots. Mahatma Ghandi once said that " Throughout my life I have gained more from my critic friends than from my admirers, especially when the criticism was made in courteous and friendly language. " They say that a trained diplomat can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

While criticism has its good point, it should be handled out and received with loving kindness and care and above all the dignity of the individual involved should not be sacrificed on the altar of the pleasure of blasting out the criticism. It may give you the feeling of being John the baptist for a short while but then it has no changing effect but breeds ill will and division.

If the criticism involves a individual, do it gently in private. If it involves a couple, invite the two persons and do it in private. If it involves a group, summon the whole group and do it in private. If it involves the whole congregation, then by all means, do it diplomatically with Christian love and charity from the pulpit.

What say you?

... of anger

Do we realize that "anger" is only one letter short of "danger."

This is one element Yours Sincerely ( Y S ) has been trying to tame three quarters of his life. It can surge out like the ferocious hot magma of a volcano and burn kiths and kins, all alike , if not properly contained.

And if you speak at such juncture, you will make the best speech you will ever live to ever regret for anger opens the mouth and shuts the mind. As it is rightly pointed out, an angry person is like a match stick which has a head but it has no brains.

Better Half once told Y S of an ugly scene in our church compound where the self provoked angry parish priest unnecessarily lost his cool over a very petty matter. One of the parishioners over-parked his car. The front wheels slightly rested on the floor of the church foyer. It was a minute matter since the floor is built of stone but the priest, unknowingly, was provoked by his apple polishers. He indulged himself in rudeness, yelling, anger ( These are a weak man's imitation of strength) and finally " ordered the poor parishioners out of the church" !!! The person involved who is a good friend of Y S is still nursing his wounds. So much for "love" and " forgiveness in the church, eh ! An angry person is seldom reasonable and a reasonable person is seldom angry. King Solomon in the Book of Proverbs, says that "a quick tempered man does foolish things." If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size ??? ( Good thinking )

Another pointer from King Solomon in the Book of Ecclesiastes, " Do not quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools." If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow, says a Chinese proverb. Anger can be like a stone thrown into a hornets' nest ! It is one letter short of D A N G E R.

But then, it is also said that holding on to your anger only gives you tense muscles. Blowing up gives relief. There were instances in Y S ' life when he should have lashed out at certain unreasonable and rude people but then he chose to hold his cool rather regretfully and let the culprits get away Scot free, and thinking that they are perfectly correct .

What do you think ?

....... of 2011, the new year.

Yours Sincerely ( Y S ) is a few days' late writing this new year's page. Many would have written on their 2010's escapades and, perhaps, their long list of new year's resolutions. Y S expresses his gratitude from the innermost core of his being for His grace to usher in 2011. That means another year to live on this glorious planet, earth. Recounting 2010, Y S has the Almighty to thank for being able to live through peacefully, joyfully and fruitfully, and so the file for 2010 is closed and stacked up !

2010 whizzed past so fast especially the last two months when YS and Better Half were inundated by the flood, and then followed by the frenzy of house cleaning and repairing. The knocks and drills of the mason had just petered away and so were the drips of wet paints of the painters. A few sticks of new furniture had also been delivered. And after the bills were paid... o la..... the house is a haven again. Life restarts ! Another year of adventures to live through.

2011 loomed in differently this year for Y S because for the first time in his life, he and his better half attended a new year's eve count-down mascaraed party at the Royal Kedah Club, instead of the year end church service. You have to guess what we dressed up as ! It was, indeed, fun to see friends dressed up ( Some down) hilariously with face masks. Their Royal Highnesses, the Tuanku Sultan and Sultanah of Kedah graced the event.

And 2011 is very significant for Y S. HE IS LIVING THE LAST YEAR OF HIS FIFTIES !!!!! SO, it better be a great year for him before he turns ..................... !!!!

So, let's celebrate life and live ..................