.... of funeral wakes

Remembering Y S' mother's funeral.
" Had I visited her enough when she was aged and sick ???"

Yours Sincerely ( Y S ) is amazed by the trouble people take to attend the wake of a relative or friend, not to mention a family member. Some rush from very far to be at the wake or funeral. At some wakes, Y S attended and observed lots of custom, traditions, religiosity and observances, and also gaiety ! Dirth and mirth seems to mix fairly well.

These days, the funeral wakes come in several packages with differing costs and types of services and products. The more high end canopies come in white and full of ribbons and laces to hide away rough edges and rusted metals. The in-thing is, of course, the air-conditioner. The lower end comes with air cool sprinklers, and the budget one is fans. Gone are the days when the free drabby khaki lorry canopy was used. Sometimes without the announcement scrolls hung at the canopy, you wonder whether it is mirth or dearth ! The colours usually associated with death is now camouflaged. Death as Shakespeare puts it is indeed " sweet sorrow." ( Romeo & Juliet. I hope I remember it right.)

The chairs at the high end wake are dressed in white and ribboned. The cheaper ones are the common plastic chairs, and the free ones are the rusty, old foldable ( usually blue in colour) ones borrowed from the Chinese association or clan in town. There is still no equality in death. Ya?

The menu during the wakes also range with the cost. There is always a variety of mass fried noodles and porridge, and free flow of Chinese tea, coffee, tea and bottled water. Whatever food is offered, there must be a free flow of groundnuts ! At some wakes, cigarettes and beer are freely offered and freeloaders have their hey days. The servers are always busy serving hard because their work ends when the food finishes. LOL

Y S also observes that "mahjong," card games and gambling of sorts are carried out until the wee hours of the morning. The din is unceasing and is comparable to that of the wet market. Many catch up with old friend and relatives, and there is lots of chit-chatting. These activities are carried out vis-a-vis the prayers and chantings, cymbals and gongs of the Taoist priests and mourners. Sorrow and joy seem to co-exist peacefully, so going for such a wake, you don't know whether to be sorrowful or joyful. These mambo jumbo can go on for many nights, especially for the richer deceased.

Such practices and observances are good as they keep the community vibrant, strong and united. The practice of giving cash offering, commonly called " White Gold" for the deceased's expenditure in the after-world also serves a good function in helping the less well to do families to off set the funeral expenditure.

However, Y S thinks that the wakes are really for the living. The dead is dead not matter how lavish is the wake and how elaborate is the funeral, or how much prayers and masses are offered for him / her. If such a big celebration is organised for the deceased when he was living, he would be on cloud nine !

The point Y S is driving at is to do what you want to do to anyone when he / she is alive. When he is dead and gone, there is nothing much we can do, except those things that would ease our conscience to make us feel good, or that we are filial children. "Ho ! So and so spent so much and so much for his father's funeral ! "

If you think of your parents, visit them. If you remember a friend / classmate, pay him / her a visit. If you recall a colleague, invite him / her out for a meal. If you think of someone who has made a difference in your life and you cannot visit him / her, give him / her a call, send an email or an SMS.

Follow NIKE, " just do it." Don't wait until the person's funeral !