Harsh reality of diocesan work

The battery in my retirement gold plated (cheap one) watch has run out. The retirement gifts positioned at different corners of the house have gathered some dust. Less and less phone calls and SMSes are coming in. It has been EIGHT months (Gosh, how time flies!) down the road of forced retirement (It is called " Pesaraan wajib"). Yours sincerely took a hard look at life ahead on the eve of 2009. Have I wasted the 8 months? Have anything worthwhile been accomplished? Have I contributed anything to humanity? Many questions played in my gray matter? Such thoughts always give me a feeling of forlorn.

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I had always wanted to do more for God. To contribute His given human ability to me to better and further His Kingdom. For that reason I eagerly accepted the offer to work for the Diocesan(Penang) Pastoral Team. It is a small team of 4 priests, 1 religious, 2 laity and the Bishop. It is supposed to be the Think Tank for the Bishop. I went for the first meeting, after researching "Pastoral Teams" of all other dioceses and denominations, full of jest to contribute. Little did I realise that I had sailed into troubled waters where angels fear to tread.

And harsh realities set in when I was asked to work on the Diocesan BEC census and to give a presentation on it. The input took me and my friend many hours of eye straining efforts peering into the computer screen. It was a labour of love. We wanted to come out with one soft ware that is workable programme for the needs of the diocese. The software went through many sessions of trial run until we felt that it was fine. To the computer illiterates, which I discover form most of our beloved priests in the Penang Diocese, computer soft wares drop down from heaven like Manna!

Labourious efforts are most of the time not appreciated at all. On the day of the presentation to the priestly meeting ( which composed of all the priests in the Penang Diocese), the response was bordering hostility.

HERE IS A LAYMAN WHO WANTED TO HELP THE DIOCESE ( MEANING TO HELP THE BISHOP AND PRIESTS AND FOR THE GLORY OF GOD) TO COME OUT WITH A CREDIBLE AND RELIABLE DIOCESAN BEC CENSUS FOR US TO KNOW OUR DEMOGRAPHY WAS 'SHOT' BY HIS VERY OWN SHEPHERD!!!

Emphatise with me, I provide you with a dialogue , verbatim, during question time.

Priest X : I have a better software that yours.

Yours sincerely (Ys) : Revered Father, can we merge your software with mine?

Priest X : Mine is copyrighted.

(What about all the preaching about sharing from the pulpit?!)

Ys : In that case, can we just have your parish data to merge with the diocesan data?

Priest X : I HAVE TO EDUCATE YOU that our data is confidential.........

( Yours sincerely feels that there is no necessity to use such a strong word to put him down. Yours sincerely had never met such type of person, especially in priestly cassocks. We are living in the 21 century and not in Medieval Time. Most sheep are educated these days. Some are better educated, more widely read, better brought up and most of all conduct themselves more human-like than their shepherds ! )

If his parish data is confidential and cannot be merged with the diocesan data, then I think he is running his own parish and also his own diocesan. He is a "bishop" in his own right. ( Pathetic!)

Of course, there were other unintelligible comments :

1. My parish has no computer ! (So, pitiful for not keep up with the world.)
2. I don't know anything about computers! (Too self sufficient. )
3. This cannot work in my parish. ( Typical of some of my negative colleagues in school.
" Everything cannot one " because some extra work is involved.)
4. We have done it already but has no data. (What bullshit! Trying to wriggle away.)
5. My parish has so many new housing estates, how to get data on them. (that is your work lor!)
6. etc...etc....etc...

I have nothing against the comments but felt sorry for those who made them. I personally felt down trodden that they exist in ecclesial organisation which I used to uphold highly and adored, and longed to humbly play a wee small part. My ideals have been crashed and shattered.

Even when the presentation was going on, one shepherd, in particular, was "sodukuing" (Soduku) away. I used to catch my staff reading newspapers and smsing away at staff meetings but this was a priestly meeting. LOL

Down the road, yours sincerely has been licking and nursing his wounds of uncalled for insults like a rabid dog, especially from one of his shepherds who "wanted to educate him." LOL

Why should I sail into troubled waters after having just sailed out of one that put food on the table for my children?

So, I have decided to leave heavenly work to the priestly, and to reconcile myself to be a dumb, docile and "uneducated" sheep befitting only mundane work on earth. (Sigh! It is hard to live our so called Christian vocation.)

I am worried that I have also started to doubt the sermons given from the pulpits. Are they well-intentioned ? Truthful? Sincere? Or just, plain burdens put on me and merely "talk the talk and not walk the talk" or what the Kelantan Malays say, "Kaechet sedap mulut sajo." (Plain talk only and no action.) I say, but you do.

Of course, I cannot and God forbids, that I throw in my towel altogether. I will continue to serve at parish level only. My prayer was favoured by the Almighty, Al........ oops cannot use that word.... . Attached see a BEC gathering at my humble abode. It is the first one for 2009. 90% attendance. That made my day . Glory be to God.