... of empty nests

Yours Sincerely ( Y S ) was clearing some dried palms when he spotted this empty nest. It struck him hard as he thought over his situation, now that his two dearest children are not living with him anymore, and would only come home for an occasional visit once in a blue moon.

Mention the term "empty nest" and one's mind immediately conjures up a picture of an empty house. Gone are the hustle and bustle of growing children, the noise and laughter, the activities and all the chores of parenting. There is a big gap and an emptiness left by the last of the siblings who bid farewell.

This could be a very difficult time of a parent's life, especially for retirees. They may feel "useless" or "redundant" now that the children are gone and they are no more needed. Coupled with mid-life transition for men and menopausal changes for women, the "empty nest" has the potential of turning into a very unsettling time, or even a crisis in some families.

When a grown-up child leaves home, parents will feel the pain of loss. Often they miss the little boy or girl whose life was so dependent on them. They are suddenly made aware that the parent-child relationship has now evolved into that of an adult-to-adult relationship. They need to allow themselves time to grieve the loss and to adjust to the change. If they accept this change, and begin to relate to their children as adults, they will begin to enjoy their sons and daughters in a new and different way.

To prepare for an empty nest, we must learn to let go of our children. Y S once watched on NatGeo how the mother eagle nudged its babe over a steep cliff and once the babe dropped from the nest, it desperately flapped its wings to try to fly. All the while, the mother watched intently and was every ready to render help if the babe could not make it. So, the babe flapped and flapped its wings mightily and finally it was airborne and able to make height and finally soared.in the sky.

This is not easy, because it goes against the desire and instinct of every parent to protect and care for the children. But in order to grow into a confident and mature individual, every young person needs to learn to stand on his own feet, to take care of himself, to make decisions for himself, and this is often best achieved when he is away from home.

The husband-wife relationship is also sometimes put to test when the children are gone. In a family where the focus is primarily on the children, or where the children are the "buffer zone" between their parents, it is especially hard to face the prospect of an empty nest. This only underscores the importance of not neglecting to strengthen the marital relationship during the hectic child-rearing years. One has 17 to 20 years to do it from the time the child is born.

Whatever life dishes out for you, Y S strongly believes that finally one has to watch his own sunset. The first spouse who is taken away is always the lucky one for the one left behind has to grieve over his / her absence. It is quite scary to think about it when you look around and as age catches on. Will Y S be able to cope???