Yours Sincerely counted lately and solemnly realised that a good number of his acquaintances and friends have lost their spouses to all sort of illnesses and mishaps. Strangely but surely, the males seem to go first than the females who are left to grieve for their beloved, except for a few widowers Y S knows.
One particular widower, a fellow Catholic, so grieves for his spouse that he decides not to stay in his shop house and has asked Y S to look for a room to rent for him. He only wishes to go to his shop house for his day business as a tailor. Night time is too much for him to bear his lonesomeness. He confided in Y S that his lunch used to be hot and deliciously served at 12 noon daily, but now he eats takeaways from stalls and shops as late as 2 or 3 pm. There were times when he scolded his spouse for serving him late lunch, but now he has to content to very late lunches, and most of the time he has no appetite. Pitiful !
Y S' friend rented a room in another widower's house and he confided in Y S that his landlord, a quiet fella, used to wake up in the wee hours of the morning and weeps, pinning for his departed spouse. There is no grief like the grief that does not speak . Eerie, eh!
There was another one Y S used to see at Jalan Sultanah Catholic Cemetery who stood in front of his wife's grave every morning, AT THE SAME TIME, rain OR shine. More eerie !!! He had already joined his spouse, in heaven, I pray.
During Y S' last trip to Kota Bahru, he stayed with his golfer's friend who also had recently lost his spouse. He confided in Y S that the memory of his late wife is very strongly present in all the things in the house. They were married for at least 40 years ! Too long to forget each other. On the 7th day of her demise, he felt her presence at home and "she even locked him out of his bedroom" Spooky ! And on their trip to collect her urn, they could smell her favourite medicated oil in the car they were traveling in. More spooky!
In this world nothing is so sure as death and taxes, but people do not want to think about it, least make preparation for it like the Great Pharaohs. It is a taboo. Death only happens to others until they themselves are struck down six feet underground.
Spouses should learn to carry on and live on their own. For that reason, Y S is now operating the gas cooker, micro wave, washing machine etc etc etc, learning to live alone. Similarly the Better Half is encouraged to source out her own circle of friends ( good, respectable, caring and dependable ones but NOT the free loaders !) and she should keep driving so that she is mobile.
In the event of finality, Y S believes that the one who is called first is the blessed one for he/she leaves behind people to grieve for him/her. The left behind spouse should be able to carry on and not to be so devastated, helpless, broken and paralyzed.
Many selfish spouses, especially females, make their spouses solemnly promise not to remarry after their demise to the extent of promising to come back to haunt them if they do. And many self-centred children frown on the remarry of their widower fathers, and especially widowed mothers. Well, if they so desire and if there is an opportunity what is wrong with remarrying since the marriage contract explicitly states that " UNTIL DEATH DO WE PART."
The world does not need another Taj Mahal ( Mausoleum built by an over faithful husband, Shah Jahan, for his beloved wife.) What do you think?
9 comments:
sir,you are still that active,passed by and left my footprints here!
Hello Thomas,
Lovely post with plenty of things to think about. Yes, when we are attached to our spouses very closely and intimately, sharing our life, our joys and sorrows, bringing up children, going through the ups and downs, it is extremely difficult to separate on account of the death of one partner. As you said it is always good to do things on our own so that at least we are not helpless to carry on after the loss.
Getting remarried is always an option depending on the age of the person who is still living. If the person is too old what is the point of getting married again because a comparison will always be made with the partner who departed and this can lead to misunderstanding and misery.
I know of one blogger whose wife passed away and he stopped blogging. I wonder what happened to him. I know another person who is working in a bank. He had to remarry when his wife passed away because his children were small and they had to be cared for.
In this connection I was thinking of the marriages that fail not because one partner is dead because the partners cannot get along with each other.
Best wishes,
Joseph
I believe in "Death do we part" as in the marriage vows. Not sure what others are thinking
When you love deeply, you open yourself to pain too. But when you don't love, you don't know how it feels like to love and be loved. I think your approach is good, making sure that each of you are able to carry on when one leaves first.
Joseph,Kim and AJ 7, thanks for sharing your views. This question is bugging me lately as we move on in life. All the more after our retirement we seem to be doing more and more things together! Then, there is a friend who says that we should be more together b4 the final separation. Sort of make hay while the sun still shines.
Yah. The world does not need another Taj Mahal but we can have more, for the first wife, second, third and fourth too.
footiam, ...and make sure they are members of COW ( Club Obedient Wives) kekekek
that is why indians burn their remains so that we will forget and we will never have to see a grave of someone we love and start crying
hanes, that's a good practice. Cremation is better than to go to the worms and maggots !. eeek!
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